Regarding the person you want to be with: Do you wish him to be free from suffering, or do you merely wish to reduce your own suffering?
Do you wish him to be happy, or do you wish yourself to be happy?
Do you feel a deep connection with him, or is he just a place to put your loneliness?
As the often-quoted verse goes:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
If it’s the later in any of the above questions, it’s probably not love.