Calling dibs on a boy

No, you cannot call dibs on a boy. I’m no genius, but I think it takes two people to fall in love.

In his book The Four LovesC.S. Lewis points out that you do not consciously pick your friends. You feel kinship with a particular person, then you call that person a friend, and not the other way around.

Falling in love works similarly. Consider Alain de Botton’s description of why we fall in love in his book, The Course of Love:

“Love means admiration for qualities in the lover that promise to correct our weaknesses and imbalances; love is a search for completion.” (p. 17).

You get to know someone, you admire qualities in that person you believe will complete you, and you fall in love. You didn’t choose the qualities you were looking for, and you didn’t choose to “fall.”

You did, however, choose to get to know that person. That’s the part you can control, and that’s the part worth focusing on–finding joy in, even.

[The thirteenth edition of my newsletter went out this morning–this week about romance. If you’d like to get it you can sign-up for the newsletter here and I’ll send you a copy.]

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